melayneseahawk: (abandon hope)
Cold recovery now extended to almost two weeks, plus a bout of depression and a trip to the ER due to an allergic reaction to the Ambien I was given so I could sleep through the coughing. *sigh*

But! Cold is almost gone and allergy is being treated and depressive spiral was broken by the ER trip. So I've gotten more done today than I have in close to two weeks and I actually feel positive about it. I did accomplish one useful thing while I was sick, though, which was to talk to Nik* about FUTURE PLANS. I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I think I've narrowed it down some.

The biggest problem right now is actually DragonCon. For the first time ever, I'm not really enthusiastic about going. Maybe it's because I feel completely disconnected from fandom, or that the things I nerd out about have shifted without me getting involved in the fandom communities for the source material. Maybe it's the depression (though this was actually going on before the most recent bout). Maybe I'm just having issues remembering how much fun con is, and only focusing on the negative stuff (lots of walking, lots of lines, the hard-work side of cosplaying). Nik and I are probably only going to cosplay one day this year, rather than two or three, but does anyone have any ideas for how to get my con nerd mojo back?

*For those not in the know, Nik is my fiancé. If you've met him, you probably know his real name, but Nik is a nickname.
melayneseahawk: (achiever)
And then I caught some throat bug that laid me out for a week. *headdesk*

I'm mostly better now, but I need to be careful not to push myself. I'm also going stir-crazy, which is a bad combination. But! I may have made some decisions vis-à-vis the BIG LIFE DECISIONS front, so that's good.
melayneseahawk: (nom)
Found out today that I did not get the job I had interviewed for. This is not a terrible thing, but it still kind of sucks. Nik made the awesome point that there is a false dichotomy when one applies for a job: the result is not good/bad, it's good/neutral. So, neutral, but it still makes me a little grumpy.

I restart physical therapy for my knees today. My old PT isn't there anymore, so I get to start with someone new, but that's alright. I'd just love to be able to walk down a flight of stairs without cringing and not have to worry about fucking up my ability to walk if I'm not uber careful on uneven ground. In case you didn't know, Seattle is really fucking hilly and I refuse to carry a cane when I shouldn't actually need one.

Also, it is hot. Seattle, why is it hot? You're not supposed to be hot. Bleh.

(See how interesting my life is? :P)
melayneseahawk: (serotonin)
Haven't heard back from Panera or the crepe place, though I'm not surprised. I wasn't particularly optimistic about my chances with either of those. I really need to go out pounding the pavement to find other job openings, but it's just so depressing. Monday. I'll do it Monday.

New news on the medication front, at least. medical babble )

Also started a regimen of stupid-high doses of vitamins B12 and D, because apparently my levels are super-low, which can cause mental health problems. Oh, it would be wonderful if all I needed to feel better was a fistful of vitamins, but I doubt I'll be that lucky.
melayneseahawk: (explode)
Not-quite-a-week with the parents turned into week-and-a-half with the parents, but that's not the end of the world. I got to see all my DC friends (including one who is moving to Seattle this month! what is it with me and losing people to Seattle?), and am going to be able to go Israeli dancing twice, so that's pretty neat. Also, Mom and I went to see the Anglo-Saxon Hoard exhibit at the National Geographic Museum, which was amazing. Seriously, if you are in the DC area, you should try to see it, it's really neat, and likely will not be in the US again after the exhibit closes in early March.

Things! are going on in [ profile] stargate_summer and [ profile] jd_ficathon, and the New Grammarian Drive is still going on for [ profile] fandom_grammar, so that's all exciting. [ profile] brainofck has taken over as my alpha reader for my [ profile] stargate_summer, which is awesome; we've already found a solution to one of the major problems I'd been having; naturally, said solution requires research, but isn't that always the case?

Moodwise, I've actually been feeling better the last week or so--minus a teeny tiny breakdown last night--but there's no way of knowing if that's because of the new medicine (it has a flavor! and that flavor is black cherry ick) or because I've been around people this last week, so we shall see if it continues when I'm back on my own in the Burgh. I hope so, I really do. I'm so, so tired of being a lump of sad all the time.
melayneseahawk: (vent)
And then I wound up in the ER again. God-fucking-damnit.

Had what was probably an allergic reaction to the new med the new doc put me on. And in the middle of the night, of course, so I wound up in the ER at one in the morning to have them look at my hands, which had suddenly swollen up and gone all red. It went down pretty quickly (with the help of some Benadryl), and I managed to talk them out of putting me on steroids, but still. Did not need this. At all.

And then, of course, when I finally woke up today, I found out that a project that I'd been working on to try to earn some extra cash had been turned down. And, because I'm so fucking broke, I can't afford to redo it.

This last 24 hours is so fired.

well, fuck

Friday, 8 April 2011 00:09
melayneseahawk: (abandon hope)
None of my corsets fit. Well, there goes what I was going to wear to go a'goth-clubbing this weekend.

My renn faire garb no longer fits.

Only two pairs of my jeans fit.

My work pants do not fit.

My mother has offered to lend me some of her old clothes.

Yeah, I'll be crying in a corner right now.


Wednesday, 6 April 2011 11:49
melayneseahawk: (cursor)
Not dead, just very busy. Here's a basic update of the last two weeks:

Have gone back to work, which is a good thing. It means money, and it means something to do, and it's a constant ego boost, because both my bosses (I have two, it's complicated) think I'm wonderful. It's nice to be appreciated. :D

Mood has generally been pretty good, though of course I've started experiencing one of the negative side effects of one of the meds. Actually, I've been experiencing it for a few months, but just realized it. Basically, I've gained about 20 pounds in three months. Now, I was too thin before that, so about 10-15 of those are welcome, but it means that most of my pants don't fit anymore and my tits are now enormous. Will be adding exercise to my schedule (finally; should have done that years ago), and changing my eating habits a bit, but I'm not sure if I want to go clothes shopping before I lose that five pounds. On the one hand, it sucks that only two pairs of jeans and my three work pants still fit. On the other, I don't want to spend $40+ per pair on jeans, only to have them potentially not fit if the weight comes off. If anyone has any thoughts on the matter, I'd love to hear them.

I've officially finished four of my six college applications (one rejected me before I could finish, the other I still have to do the interview). I'm all-but-formally-accepted to one of my top schools, which is really great, and I should be hearing back from the others soon. Then I have to visit the ones I haven't seen, and make a decision. Eep.

Have also decided to let my [ profile] stargate_summer fic wait until next year. Between my schedule and [ profile] theemdash's, there was no way it was going to be done in time. Apparently, it takes me two years if I want to write something novel-length. *shrugs*

Had a fight with a new recipe yesterday and the day before, and while I've learned a lot, it's still not perfect. I mean, it tastes good, but it doesn't look right yet. But I have some ideas for how to deal with that, so it will take more experimentation when I have time (and more blue food coloring).

I feel like today is going to be a spammy day, so I'll likely see you all again soon. :P
melayneseahawk: (explode)
Have broken my "don't wind up in the hospital" resolution already: spent Sunday afternoon in Urgent Care with the Mysterious Bump of Mystery on my forehead. First I thought I'd banged it on something, then when my whole forehead swelled up the advice nurse thought it was an infection. The Urgent Care doc took one look at my byzantine medical history and decided to go a little crazy: antibiotic cocktail and take me off my new birth control, just in case it was an allergic reaction.

Had follow-up with my regular doc today, who listened to my symptoms, poked me in the head, and declared it an allergic reaction to a spider bite. Off the antibiotics, back on the birth control; 'round we go, where it stops, nobody knows.


On the other hand, I finally finally FINALLY took that make-up exam from last semester. You know, the one that was giving me panic attacks? It wasn't great, but at least it's over.

And then I got myself back on the schedule at work, and rewarded myself with ice cream, so all and all I'd call today a win.
melayneseahawk: (elephant)
Originally posted by [ profile] acelightning at Signal Boost: Dear GOP - You are killing people!
Passed along from many people - original post by [info]suricattus.
This is not MY personal story... that will come later.
There is a move afoot in the nation -driven by the GOP - to repeal the new health care laws, to protect corporate interests, to defend against fear-mongering (and stupid) cries of "socialism!", and to ensure that people are forced to choose between keeping a roof over their heads or getting necessary health care.

This movement is killing people.

Think I'm overstating the fact?

Ask the friends and family of writer/reviewer Melissa Mia Hall, who died of a heart attack last week because she was so terrified of medical bills, she didn't go see a doctor who could have saved her life.

One person. Not the only one. That could have been me. Yeah, I have access to insurance -- I live in New York City, which is freelancer-friendly, and have access to freelancer advocacy groups. Through them, I can pay over $400/month ($5,760/year) as a single, healthy woman, so that if I go to the hospital I'm not driven to bankruptcy. But a doctor's appointment - a routine physical - can still cost me several hundred dollars each visit. So unless something's terribly wrong? I won't go.

Someone who lives in a state where there is no Freelancer's Guild or MediaBistro to put together an insurance plan for freelancers? Someone who has been laid off or downsized, and can barely make ends meet? SoL.

That could be you. That could be your best friend. That could be someone you've never met. That could be any of us - because there are people out there who think that taking care their neighbor is someone else's problem.

No. It's our responsibility. All of us, together. As a nation.

EtA: Nobody is trying to put insurance companies out of business. They will always be able to offer a better plan for a premium. We simply want to ensure that every citizen - from infant to senior citizen - doesn't have to choose between medical care, and keeping a roof over their heads, or having enough to eat.

We're trying to get this to go viral. Pass it along:

This entry was originally posted at
melayneseahawk: (january - looking forward looking back)
Memes and NYE write-up to follow. Let me just say, though:



needs more cookies!

Saturday, 3 July 2010 19:43
melayneseahawk: (salt)
Or dots. :P

Mood seems to be much better. Have gotten over my head cold (who gets a cold in 90 degree summer weather? I do!). Going to try to sort out the Borders situation soon; hopefully, they'll be willing to take me back, and then I'll have a job.

Crispy Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
from Smitten Kitchen
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 325°.

Sift flour, baking soda, and salt in small bowl and set aside. Cream melted butter and sugars until well blended and smooth. Beat in vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in dry ingredients until just blended, then stir in chocolate chips with a wooden spoon.

Drop cookies by rounded tablespoons onto parchment-covered baking sheets. Bake 10-15 minutes, until edges of cookies are toasted, then remove to wire racks to cool.

Makes about 3 dozen.

a real-life post

Saturday, 13 March 2010 14:00
melayneseahawk: (emotions suck)
...while I wait for cookies and laundry to be done. Oh, I'm so domestic.

the last three weeks or so, subdivided by theme )

So, as it currently stands, I still have to formally withdraw, but that has to wait until week after next, since I'm leaving for NYC tomorrow and will be there for a week. I'd hoped that this trip would be over spring break, but now I'm on extended vacation again. :( I'll be seeing a bunch of folks I haven't seen in a while, and some theatre and a number of museums. Hopefully I'll be feeling sufficiently better that I can start job hunting when I get back.

And then we do a drug challenge of the birth control. It sounds rather like a game show, I know.

But, the cookies are now done, and I have it on good authority that they came out AWESOME. At least I can still do some things right. :D
melayneseahawk: (dance)
aka the aforementioned RL update

Things have settled down, finally. I started a new medication, which might help with my mood, and also might help fix the fact that I'm always freezing; apparently my thyroid function was on the low side of normal, and bringing that up might solve two problems. Hopefully. Also, I've learned that my cholesterol and triglycerides are bizarrely high (the one thing I got from my mother's side of the family, wonderful), so now I have to change my diet. More oatmeal, more exercise, but I refuse to give up the cheese. (It's also possible that one of the meds I'm on is adding to this problem, which would be just peachy.)

Finally, finally, finally took that art history test make-up. It was making me crazy, and I do not exaggerate there. The test itself was a bear (two periods she never covered in class, a couple of images I'd never seen before), but it's over and done with and I don't really care anymore. I had A's on every other test and assignment in the class, so I'll probably wind up with a B for the final grade, and that's fine.

Spring semester starts tomorrow. I'm taking Intro to Sociology and Intro to Political Science. I'm also going to be taking a writing course, but it's taking a little bit of effort to sign up for it. Should have it sorted out by the end of the day tomorrow.

And if the first two weeks of classes go well, I'll be filling out a few job applications. The places all seem to be hiring, so fingers crossed and all that.

And then I have to start contacting and applying to colleges. Man, the future is scary.
melayneseahawk: (ibid)
Moderately productive day, if only because I got a bunch of things in motion but they're not done yet. Also managed to have three vials of blood drawn with minimal freaking out (have I mentioned I'm not good with needles?), so that's useful, too.

Though, waking up mid-panic attack this morning was an experience I never wish to repeat. *shudders*

Posted a quick Jack/Daniel commentfic yesterday, for [personal profile] jdjunkie's hot/cold 'thon:

Warm Up Nicely | PG-13 | 279 words | complete

Comments collecting over there (you can log in with OpenID if you have and eljay, or you can comment anon), though I'll be archiving it at [ profile] writers_island at some point.

happy new year!

Saturday, 2 January 2010 00:31
melayneseahawk: (january - looking forward looking back)
NYE was awesome. [ profile] allandaros is hosting an epic house party/reunion for a bunch of his friends from a summer camp he used to go to, and [ profile] kashmir_ki_kali and I stopped by the New Year's Eve festivities. There two epic rounds of Apples to Apples, two even more epic rounds of Taboo, an overcomplicated Battlestar Galactica-based tabletop RPG, a card-based game I only vaguely understood the purpose of, and discussion until 7 this morning. Then I laid down on the loveseat in the library and watched the sun come up. It was lovely.

(There were also shenanigans when we reached 11p and suddenly realized we had nothing to toast the new year. But, Google maps provided a liquor store that was open until midnight, and two of the guys ran out to grab wine, kosher wine, and non-alcoholic bubbly. And then they had to find a corkscrew. It was pretty funny.)

I love being able to hang out with geeky people, I really do. Many of the folks I already knew (from high school, or people I'd already met at other events), but I also got to meet a bunch of other really cool people that I hope to be able to keep in touch with. Despite the whole meds debacle (ongoing)--which is, of course, affecting my mood--I still felt more like me than I had in a while.

In other good news, I was able to deliver to [ profile] alladaros his Friendship Stimulus Gift, so I can now share pictures of it:

I'm particularly pleased with the back, because I'm a freak I'd never finished a pattern with that technique before. I'm really, really pleased with the way it turned out.

So, that's all of my Friendship Stimulus Gifts, and since I did, in fact, give it to him on 31 December, that means I even managed to complete them all on time. Woot!

Will be memeing it up tomorrow, in between washing floors and probably even more baking. Now I'm going to have some more candied ginger to deal with the acid reflux the steroid gave me, since I can't take any more Pepcid and we don't have any Tums. FML, but at least I'm smiling.
melayneseahawk: (vent)
Some of you may have seen this on Facebook, but I was in the hospital briefly last night. I was seen surprisingly quickly, but that doesn't mean that I'm not pissed as hell.

cut for medical details you may want to skip )

Short version: itchy as fuck but going to be fine, will be playing the medication lottery once again. Much more excitement than I needed, really.

(Mom's decided that the next time I feel the need for a mother-daughter bonding experience, we should go shopping instead.)


Tuesday, 8 December 2009 09:52
melayneseahawk: (tea)
So, was woken up this morning by my mother informing me that the furnace was broken*, so now my house's temperature is at 62F and dropping. The HVAC guys are supposed to be coming, but they're dumb and haven't called me yet. I'm currently wearing three layers and camped out in my brother's room, which is the smallest room that is not a bathroom. When I really can't stand it, I have a space heater I can turn on, which will hopefully be enough to keep me a little warmer. Hadn't planned on this. We'll see what happens.

I did, however, have an awesome day yesterday, which, coming on the heels of about a week of remarkably good days, is doing wonders for my mood.

Art hist and music were rather dull, but in American hist I had a presentation, and it went really well. The topic was music during the Vietnam war (anti and pro), and I'd put together a pretty spiffy (if I do say so myself) PowerPoint. To go with said PowerPoint, I'd taken the eight songs I was specifically discussing and snipped them down to just the specific stanza(s) I wanted, which meant I wouldn't have to worry about having to scan through the songs for the exact part. I also had packets with the complete lyrics for each song, which people seemed to actually be looking at. And I got compliments afterward, not just from the prof but from a number of my classmates. I was really, really pleased.

Then I went down to Dupont Circle and met N (formerly of Starbucks), who was passing through DC on her way from Bum-Fuck, Ohio to Miami. We camped out in Teaism and played UpWords, then hung out in Starbucks to talk some more, then wandered around Beadazzled until I had to head out. It was really, really great to see her. Having a social life, even for just a weekend (I got to hang with [ profile] triannamaxwell on Friday), is really great.

Also, the replacement for the corset I bought at Dragon*Con last year arrived. I think I need to bug Sarah G. to help me make sure it fits, since I think she's the only person I know in the state that knows how to lace it properly. But, it's here, and that makes me gleeful.

My mood has been better since the beginning of last week, much closer to what it should be. I'm still worried that it's a fluke, or that it will go away once my metabolism has caught up with the current meds configuration, but it makes me optimistic that I actually will be ready to go back to school next fall.

Speaking of, I need to start making those phone calls to the various programs. Eep.

*Actually, my brain had already begun the slow crawl toward consciousness, with the thought of Dude, is it cold in here? And yes, my half-awake mind says "dude". I imagine it as a tiny, pot-smoking surfer-boy, which doesn't make any sense. Don't ask, I don't even know.
melayneseahawk: (mortal peril)
I'm apparently becoming less able-bodied by the minute...

I've had trouble with my knees for years, in part because I sit funny and in part, I learned recently, because my knees aren't actually built correctly, so the kneecaps are pulled to the side when my knees bend and the cartilage wears more quickly. It's my knees that hurt when I go out dancing--not my feet--and I can't ride my bike much anymore because it hurts to much. But, I'm usually alright day-to-day, unless I'm doing a lot of walking.

I don't know why, but my knees have hurt like hell the last few days. So much so that I had difficulty standing at the bus stop after classes today, and the one long block from where the bus drops me off to my house was pretty painful.

What do I do to deserve this?


Friday, 16 October 2009 00:43
melayneseahawk: (deadline screwed)
Right now, I have:

a headache
a case of insomnia
a paragraph and a half on Egyptian statuary

I need:
a two-page paper on the above topic
an Advil

[Yes, I know, I used to be able to do a paper twice this length in a single sitting, but I just haven't been able to concentrate all day.]

I have to be awake an functional (with the paper done, natch) in five hours.



melayneseahawk: (Default)

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