fuck my life

Wednesday, 8 February 2012 23:57
melayneseahawk: (crisis)
This was supposed to be a post about how I wrote today, for the first time since November.

Instead, this is going to be a post about the fact that my dad announced today that he's moving out, has already arranged a new place, and is planning on divorcing her to marry someone else.

I--there were no words for my rage when I found out. I actually threw my phone across the room (bounced it off the radiator) when I got off the phone with him. Phone, yes. Because he decided to tell me this when he was in DC and I had just arrived back in Pittsburgh a few hours earlier. And then he has the balls to offer to stop by for a visit this weekend...with the woman he's leaving my mother for.

There's more--there always is, isn't there--but suffice it to say that I'm still pretty furious, and I spent a good two hours crying, and between those to factors and the fact that my back is so tense you could probably bounce coins off the muscles, I'm probably not sleeping tonight. I did manage to finish eating after I got off the phone with him, and I haven't thrown up yet, so that's something.

The good news is that Mom seems to be doing ok, at least for now, and is definitely more worried about me than herself at the moment. But the two of them--they haven't gotten along, or even liked each other, for a long time now, but they at least complemented each other in their skill sets. Mom doesn't know how to iron her own clothes, or troubleshoot when her computer acts up, and she's in the middle of switching the program she does her billing in. Dad barely knows how to take care of himself when it comes to things like washing dishes and folding laundry. I don't know what to do with either of them.

Mom wants me to make sure I call my shrink, make sure she's keeping an eye on me. Unfortunately, she's not overreacting: I had been doing better then last week or so, but it's still very fragile, and this is certainly enough of a blow that it might break it. On the other hand, people with depression are often much better at coping with concrete problems, and this is definitely up there. Even if I'm in Pittsburgh and not really able to help.

And they expect me to keep plugging along and trying to get better, like nothing's happened? Yeah, right.

(I'm turning comments off, because I really don't want to hear it right now.)
Tags:
melayneseahawk: (school)
Today we were discussing political culture, and I said a couple insightful--or at least eloquent--things in the discussion. I'm not being immodest; people applauded.

Anyway, and the prof took credit for my intelligence! I'd started this class last spring, but had to drop after only a few sessions because my mood took a swan dive, but the damn-fool idiot said, when someone asked the room where I'd learned this stuff, "she's taken one of my classes before." Arg.

I'm sure anyone with a brain could tell he wasn't being serious, but I'm still aggrieved. I mean, 23 years living with an historian, some 14 years of school--including four in the IB--and a lifetime of reading and analyzing, and this hack thinks he had anything to teach me in four sessions of an Intro to Poli Sci course at a community college? As if, asshole.

*breathes*

Here, help me decide what to read once I finish rereading American Gods for my mythology project:

[Poll #1623264]

summaries )

a real-life post

Saturday, 13 March 2010 14:00
melayneseahawk: (emotions suck)
...while I wait for cookies and laundry to be done. Oh, I'm so domestic.

the last three weeks or so, subdivided by theme )

So, as it currently stands, I still have to formally withdraw, but that has to wait until week after next, since I'm leaving for NYC tomorrow and will be there for a week. I'd hoped that this trip would be over spring break, but now I'm on extended vacation again. :( I'll be seeing a bunch of folks I haven't seen in a while, and some theatre and a number of museums. Hopefully I'll be feeling sufficiently better that I can start job hunting when I get back.

And then we do a drug challenge of the birth control. It sounds rather like a game show, I know.

But, the cookies are now done, and I have it on good authority that they came out AWESOME. At least I can still do some things right. :D
melayneseahawk: (hair)
1. Used public transit to get to class today for the first time since the snow. Was easier than I might have expected, though I did fall into a snowbank up to my thighs when I stepped on a spot that was not as solid as I'd thought. Oh, my poor coat. I will treat you to a trip to the dry cleaners once it gets warm.

2. Speaking of spring, it is my intention to cut my hair in April or so. It's currently down to my waist and still growing...and covering the house. Maybe if I start thinking about what to do with it now, I will have decided by April. :P

3. Thing #6283 That Annoys Mel: people who walk excruciatingly slowly down a pathway that you can't pass them on (hip-high snow on either side, yo).

4. My writing prof is an asshole, but at least he seems to realize when he's wrong. He keeps penalizing me for the fact that I'm not actually registered for his class yet (paperwork issues), to the point where it looked for about two hours today that I was going to have to turn in a final draft of my first short story with no outside editing at all. We got to the last 45 minutes of class, and he decided that I was going to be the one workshopped, which was fantastic (except he felt the need to point out that I didn't have copies for the class, which was kind of of obvious, and his fault, anyway, for not responding to his goddamn e-mail). But, I got helpful comments (eventually, see below), so at least I have something to work on.

4a. And then I traumatized the class with my Little Gay Story. The story ends with a kiss between two people who happen to be male, and I finished reading the story aloud, looked up, and silence in the theatre. I had to do a little rationalizing of my existence ("I'm a lesbian. This is the world I live in. This is what I know."), but once people got talking they mostly had helpful things to say. But wow, you'd think they'd never met a gay person before. :(

let me just say

Saturday, 30 January 2010 12:08
melayneseahawk: (human please)
that if I read the phrase "glossy cap of the Vulcan's immaculate hair" one more time, I will puke.

That is all.
Tags:
melayneseahawk: (don't fuck with me)
So, I was up on time and ready on time this morning, and Mom even drove me part-way since the weather is awful today. Fine, alright, it's Monday, whatever.

After standing at the stop for almost 45 minutes, I learn that the shuttle that runs from the Metro to campus stopped running today, because the new garage is open. And they didn't bother to tell anyone.

I run to catch one of the city buses to campus, and get there just in time...to discover that a tree came down and both of my classes today are cancelled because the buildings they're in have no power.

But can I go home? No. The department I need to haunt to work out my third class? IS IN ONE OF THE BUILDINGS WITH NO POWER. And since th power is supposed to come back on at noon, I'm stuck sitting here until the power comes back on.

(At least I was able to get into the computer lab before it filled up.)

Say it with me now: ARG!!!
melayneseahawk: (vent)
The Geekling is on WoW, which might mean Fate is telling me I should be writing instead of killing giant spiders and zombies and things. But then again, my brother seems to always be on WoW, so I'm not sure it actually means anything.

My mood's been all off this past week, so we're adjusting my meds. I am not please, clearly.

Saturday, I went to the Hillwood Museum and Gardens with Mum and Da. The house belonged to Marjorie Merriweather Post, whose father started Post Cereals, and who was in charge of the company when it became General Foods, which owned Jell-O and Maxwell House. The house is now a museum used to display her collections of 18th century French and imperial Russian art and artifacts. It's also a monument to what one can accomplish with a lot of money and no taste.

cut for ranting about cultural appropriation )

And then we had high tea--complete with mini scones and champagne--which made it all worth it. :D

Sunday, Mum had her peer review group thing, so I baked her cookies to serve along with the fruit and bagels. Somehow, I managed to end up with twice the number of cookies the recipe should have made. We gave a dozen to one of my brother's friends' parents, and another dozen to C at work, and we've been munching, and yet we still have something like two dozen left. I'm pretty sure we had something like 90 cookies when I finished baking.

I basically sat around on Monday, and then I didn't sleep that night because my brain hates me. I still managed to get some work done and do laundry and stuff, but it sucked.

I went down to the office on Wednesday so we could finish the paperwork and clarify a few tasks I wasn't certain of. I've finished most of the first task I was assigned (uploading new material), but O--the lawyer I'm technically working for--keeps coming up with more tasks for me to do. Heh, I'm not complaining (yay, job security), but it's funny.

And today I hauled down to see the shrink, so of course it rained.
melayneseahawk: (shop dyke)
I keep meaning to share my outrage about Sunday, so here it is:

Sunday was Ladies' Night...at one of the branches of a local chain of hardware stores.

I'm just going to give that a minute to sink in.

Ok. Mum dragged me along, which was why I was there. Basically, you showed up with the postcard they sent around and an obvious lack of a Y chromosome, and they gave you a goodie bag (more on that later) and let you in. The store, which was reasonably well-stocked (as long as you didn't need lumber and that kind of supply, but that might have been hidden), was full of women, which I suppose is good for the store. They had plates of cheap finger foods (fruit, veggies, cookies, little crackers with cheese on them) on every flat surface, and had representatives from some of the companies showing off their products. There was a woman showing off vacuum cleaners (with a mat that had four different kinds of carpet to test them out on, which was smart), a guy showing off coffee presses, etc. And there was a kind of hunky guy showing off Command hooks. Very nice product, I'll admit, but I'm reasonably certain the group of 40-60-year-old women surrounding him and twittering (not the web phenom) didn't really care.

Mum told me that we had a coupon along with the invite, and I needed a few things (an outlet plate and a door stopper for the apartment, plus a new set of tools which she did not let me buy), so I let her drag me along. I found out after we were already on line to pay that the coupon only worked if you had one of their discount card thingies. And Mum had known that when we were still at home, but didn't tell me so she could drag me along.

And the goodie bag? It was a reusable tote like the ones at the grocery store (useful), a set of cookie cutters (moderately useful, though most of my baking is freehand), and two assorted antique-style kitchen gadgets. Between us, we wound up with a fruit corer/slicer, a potato masher, a set of egg tongs, and a bizarre angled-handle spatula that I'm not entirely sure how you're supposed to use.

Oh, and let me just add that if you looked at anything too long, a male employee would rush over and help you...whether you liked it or not.

Now, I found all this incredibly patronizing. The clerks would not leave me alone, and I found it incredibly insulting that it was assumed that because I'm female I'll go running out because I was mailed something that said SALE, no matter where it was.

And seriously? I've cut steel. I've built platforms that have had sword fights on top of them. I ran wiring for a set of sconces mounted on 20-ft tall Styrofoam pillars. I was the primary repair person at my store for things like changing light bulbs, basic toilet repair, and the time the door hydraulic got torn halfway out of the frame and needed to be removed so the door could be closed. I carry a Swiss army knife or a multi-tool on me on a regular basis. I may be a little biased, but I still think it's insulting to assume that I'm clueless and then try to get my money at the same time.

Mum thought it was just a "clever marketing scheme", and laughed at me when I fumed about it. Opinions from the peanut gallery?

(I almost used my "venting in progress" icon, but I thought this one was even more appropriate.)
melayneseahawk: (vent)
When Dad put Microsoft Office back on my computer (after the slash and burn of last weekend), I didn't realize that he used the Microsoft Office Small Business 2007 version. I hadn't used it before now, and now I want to rip my hair out.

I am notorious for not liking upgrades of software that I am used to using. Despite the fact that I have Vista Home (Basic), to look at my computer you would think I was running '98 (I've done this since I was forcibly "upgraded" to XP). I was perfectly happy with the version of Office (I think it's 2003...) that I was running before the slash and burn.

I do not have the energy to completely relearn my goddamned word processor. I want to be able to type. In Times New Roman 12 pt font. No extra lines between paragraphs, no cutesy bouncing icons telling me that I have typos, no having to search for five minutes to figure out how to change some of these things and not being able to figure out how to change others.

Call me a troglodyte. Call me low-tech. Call me anti-Mac (because we all know that everyone wants to look like the fucking Mac interface). I just want my old programs back.

(And to not have to replace my hard drive [almost certainly] or my entire computer [distinct possibility]. Do Not Want.)
melayneseahawk: (vent)
When Dad put Microsoft Office back on my computer (after the slash and burn of last weekend), I didn't realize that he used the Microsoft Office Small Business 2007 version. I hadn't used it before now, and now I want to rip my hair out.

I am notorious for not liking upgrades of software that I am used to using. Despite the fact that I have Vista Home (Basic), to look at my computer you would think I was running '98 (I've done this since I was forcibly "upgraded" to XP). I was perfectly happy with the version of Office (I think it's 2003...) that I was running before the slash and burn.

I do not have the energy to completely relearn my goddamned word processor. I want to be able to type. In Times New Roman 12 pt font. No extra lines between paragraphs, no cutesy bouncing icons telling me that I have typos, no having to search for five minutes to figure out how to change some of these things and not being able to figure out how to change others.

Call me a troglodyte. Call me low-tech. Call me anti-Mac (because we all know that everyone wants to look like the fucking Mac interface). I just want my old programs back.

(And to not have to replace my hard drive [almost certainly] or my entire computer [distinct possibility]. Do Not Want.)

Well, crap.

Thursday, 19 March 2009 00:09
melayneseahawk: (vent)
I finally managed to get in touch with the asshole MIA cast member of the play. Apparently, he's started a new job, and it's eating up all of his time, so it's "ok for [us] to give the monologue to someone else".

And he didn't bother to let us know.

Even though I've been calling and e-mailing this guy for two weeks.

Ooh, if I could kill long-distance with my mind, he'd be a small pile of ash right now.

Anyone (preferably male and of college age) in my area want to get up on stage next Friday and read a short-ish monologue about a guy talking to a Cambodian prostitute?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

*sigh*

Well, crap.

Thursday, 19 March 2009 00:09
melayneseahawk: (vent)
I finally managed to get in touch with the asshole MIA cast member of the play. Apparently, he's started a new job, and it's eating up all of his time, so it's "ok for [us] to give the monologue to someone else".

And he didn't bother to let us know.

Even though I've been calling and e-mailing this guy for two weeks.

Ooh, if I could kill long-distance with my mind, he'd be a small pile of ash right now.

Anyone (preferably male and of college age) in my area want to get up on stage next Friday and read a short-ish monologue about a guy talking to a Cambodian prostitute?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

*sigh*
melayneseahawk: (utter stupidity)
Inspired by [livejournal.com profile] littpiski and [livejournal.com profile] prionz_rok: a list of things to say/do that will guarantee you will NOT get laid (at least by me).

10. Saying that you're good with virgins, trying to do it "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" anyway, and then when I tell you to maybe try working up to the main event declaring that you won't go down on me because I'm bleeding. Which was your fault in the first place.
10b. Making the exact same mistake when I decide to give you another try.

9. Telling me that your girlfriend is "fine with it" when I know for a fact that you haven't told her. I will not let your punk-ass turn me into the other woman.

8. "This girl I'm interested in said yes to me, so I don't think we should mess around anymore." And during the Yankees season opener, too.
8b. "She dumped me, you want to mess around again?"

7. Don't offer to buy me a drink with that lascivious look on your face. I'm not that kind of girl. And the fact that you think I am seriously fucked your chances.

6. This may be sizeism (not that I care), but if your fat could suffocate someone twice my size, get away from me. I'm not looking for something out of a magazine, I like a girl with curves (and they don't all have to be tits, ass, or hips), but seriously, take some interest in your health.

5. Don't insist on paying for dinner. I'm not going to let you, and the more you fight the angrier I'm going to be.

4. "How old are you?" Yeah, ok, I look 5 years younger than I actually am most of the time. Still, this question is hinky: either you're attracted to me because I look so young, and that's a little scary; or you're concerned about potential legal ramifications, and that's even scarier.
4b. "How old are you?" "Why do you want to know?" "Well, I want to talk to you, but I want to make sure you're...you know." *headdesk*

3. "Are you a *giggle*" "A what?" "*giggle*" "A lesbian?" If you can't say it, you're sure as hell not ready to sleep with one.

2. No, I will not sleep with your girlfriend. Especially if you're planning on watching. Lesbian hunting is skeevy.

And the number one way to not get laid:

1. "You just haven't met the right guy yet." Oh, hell ass balls no.
melayneseahawk: (utter stupidity)
Inspired by [livejournal.com profile] littpiski and [livejournal.com profile] prionz_rok: a list of things to say/do that will guarantee you will NOT get laid (at least by me).

10. Saying that you're good with virgins, trying to do it "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" anyway, and then when I tell you to maybe try working up to the main event declaring that you won't go down on me because I'm bleeding. Which was your fault in the first place.
10b. Making the exact same mistake when I decide to give you another try.

9. Telling me that your girlfriend is "fine with it" when I know for a fact that you haven't told her. I will not let your punk-ass turn me into the other woman.

8. "This girl I'm interested in said yes to me, so I don't think we should mess around anymore." And during the Yankees season opener, too.
8b. "She dumped me, you want to mess around again?"

7. Don't offer to buy me a drink with that lascivious look on your face. I'm not that kind of girl. And the fact that you think I am seriously fucked your chances.

6. This may be sizeism (not that I care), but if your fat could suffocate someone twice my size, get away from me. I'm not looking for something out of a magazine, I like a girl with curves (and they don't all have to be tits, ass, or hips), but seriously, take some interest in your health.

5. Don't insist on paying for dinner. I'm not going to let you, and the more you fight the angrier I'm going to be.

4. "How old are you?" Yeah, ok, I look 5 years younger than I actually am most of the time. Still, this question is hinky: either you're attracted to me because I look so young, and that's a little scary; or you're concerned about potential legal ramifications, and that's even scarier.
4b. "How old are you?" "Why do you want to know?" "Well, I want to talk to you, but I want to make sure you're...you know." *headdesk*

3. "Are you a *giggle*" "A what?" "*giggle*" "A lesbian?" If you can't say it, you're sure as hell not ready to sleep with one.

2. No, I will not sleep with your girlfriend. Especially if you're planning on watching. Lesbian hunting is skeevy.

And the number one way to not get laid:

1. "You just haven't met the right guy yet." Oh, hell ass balls no.
melayneseahawk: (rose)
Unitarian churches are odd.

Saxophones have a warm sound. Flutes have a cold sound. Keep in mind when composing.

Flute duet? Pretty. Ten flutes playing Pachebel? Redefines shrill.

And that gurgling sound you're hearing? That would be my sinuses.
Tags:
melayneseahawk: (rose)
Unitarian churches are odd.

Saxophones have a warm sound. Flutes have a cold sound. Keep in mind when composing.

Flute duet? Pretty. Ten flutes playing Pachebel? Redefines shrill.

And that gurgling sound you're hearing? That would be my sinuses.
Tags:

hate hate hate

Tuesday, 15 January 2008 00:51
melayneseahawk: (vent)
Dear Insomnia,

Fuck off and die.

No love,
Me

In other news, am attempting to go to the GYN tomorrow (today?). Had my optometry appointment today, wherein the doc said I was slightly more blind than I thought I was, but not enough to need new lenses. I'm convinced, what with the way things have been going, that I'm not going to make it to the GYN appointment for one reason or another. I anticipate exploding buses. Because that would make my week that much more special.

Oh, and why did I ever volunteer to help the brother study for his pre-calc exam? It's been *thinks* four years since I did the subject, three years since I took a math class at all, and math was never my strong subject. And I'm teaching him a lot of this stuff from scratch, because his teacher can't teach, his tutor is useless, and his textbook is horrible. I guess I should be mildly reassured that I actually remember most of this stuff when I look at it.

Feh. I would say I'm off to bed now, but my brain has other ideas. *pokes it with a stick*

hate hate hate

Tuesday, 15 January 2008 00:51
melayneseahawk: (vent)
Dear Insomnia,

Fuck off and die.

No love,
Me

In other news, am attempting to go to the GYN tomorrow (today?). Had my optometry appointment today, wherein the doc said I was slightly more blind than I thought I was, but not enough to need new lenses. I'm convinced, what with the way things have been going, that I'm not going to make it to the GYN appointment for one reason or another. I anticipate exploding buses. Because that would make my week that much more special.

Oh, and why did I ever volunteer to help the brother study for his pre-calc exam? It's been *thinks* four years since I did the subject, three years since I took a math class at all, and math was never my strong subject. And I'm teaching him a lot of this stuff from scratch, because his teacher can't teach, his tutor is useless, and his textbook is horrible. I guess I should be mildly reassured that I actually remember most of this stuff when I look at it.

Feh. I would say I'm off to bed now, but my brain has other ideas. *pokes it with a stick*

(no subject)

Wednesday, 3 October 2007 13:58
melayneseahawk: (headdesk)
From the studio that brought you

Jackhammers in the Basement,

Garbage Trucks at Dawn,

and

Five Sweaty Guys and a Power Sander,

The biggest thing in Industrial Music today:

Door Installation!!!

With It's 7 AM, Do You Know Where Your Sleep Is?, a new double-length CD, coming out this week, Door Installation is the hottest thing to wake you up long before your alarm since Garbage Trucks at Dawn's hit single "Four O'Clock (in the Morning)".

7 AM includes classics like "Blockin' Your Hallways", "What Do You Mean, You Needed That Elevator?", and "Dance of the Electric Screwdrivers", as well as their new hit single, "Naptime: Denied" and the first release of "In Ur Dorms, Wakin' Ur Co-Eds".

It's 7 AM, Do You Know Where Your Sleep Is? is available from Sleep For the Weak Records starting Monday 1 October 2007. You'll never sleep again.
Tags:

(no subject)

Wednesday, 3 October 2007 13:58
melayneseahawk: (headdesk)
From the studio that brought you

Jackhammers in the Basement,

Garbage Trucks at Dawn,

and

Five Sweaty Guys and a Power Sander,

The biggest thing in Industrial Music today:

Door Installation!!!

With It's 7 AM, Do You Know Where Your Sleep Is?, a new double-length CD, coming out this week, Door Installation is the hottest thing to wake you up long before your alarm since Garbage Trucks at Dawn's hit single "Four O'Clock (in the Morning)".

7 AM includes classics like "Blockin' Your Hallways", "What Do You Mean, You Needed That Elevator?", and "Dance of the Electric Screwdrivers", as well as their new hit single, "Naptime: Denied" and the first release of "In Ur Dorms, Wakin' Ur Co-Eds".

It's 7 AM, Do You Know Where Your Sleep Is? is available from Sleep For the Weak Records starting Monday 1 October 2007. You'll never sleep again.
Tags:

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melayneseahawk: (Default)
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