melayneseahawk: (serotonin)
Haven't heard back from Panera or the crepe place, though I'm not surprised. I wasn't particularly optimistic about my chances with either of those. I really need to go out pounding the pavement to find other job openings, but it's just so depressing. Monday. I'll do it Monday.

New news on the medication front, at least. medical babble )

Also started a regimen of stupid-high doses of vitamins B12 and D, because apparently my levels are super-low, which can cause mental health problems. Oh, it would be wonderful if all I needed to feel better was a fistful of vitamins, but I doubt I'll be that lucky.
melayneseahawk: (explode)
Not-quite-a-week with the parents turned into week-and-a-half with the parents, but that's not the end of the world. I got to see all my DC friends (including one who is moving to Seattle this month! what is it with me and losing people to Seattle?), and am going to be able to go Israeli dancing twice, so that's pretty neat. Also, Mom and I went to see the Anglo-Saxon Hoard exhibit at the National Geographic Museum, which was amazing. Seriously, if you are in the DC area, you should try to see it, it's really neat, and likely will not be in the US again after the exhibit closes in early March.

Things! are going on in [livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer and [livejournal.com profile] jd_ficathon, and the New Grammarian Drive is still going on for [livejournal.com profile] fandom_grammar, so that's all exciting. [livejournal.com profile] brainofck has taken over as my alpha reader for my [livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer, which is awesome; we've already found a solution to one of the major problems I'd been having; naturally, said solution requires research, but isn't that always the case?

Moodwise, I've actually been feeling better the last week or so--minus a teeny tiny breakdown last night--but there's no way of knowing if that's because of the new medicine (it has a flavor! and that flavor is black cherry ick) or because I've been around people this last week, so we shall see if it continues when I'm back on my own in the Burgh. I hope so, I really do. I'm so, so tired of being a lump of sad all the time.

update

Wednesday, 6 April 2011 11:49
melayneseahawk: (cursor)
Not dead, just very busy. Here's a basic update of the last two weeks:

Have gone back to work, which is a good thing. It means money, and it means something to do, and it's a constant ego boost, because both my bosses (I have two, it's complicated) think I'm wonderful. It's nice to be appreciated. :D

Mood has generally been pretty good, though of course I've started experiencing one of the negative side effects of one of the meds. Actually, I've been experiencing it for a few months, but just realized it. Basically, I've gained about 20 pounds in three months. Now, I was too thin before that, so about 10-15 of those are welcome, but it means that most of my pants don't fit anymore and my tits are now enormous. Will be adding exercise to my schedule (finally; should have done that years ago), and changing my eating habits a bit, but I'm not sure if I want to go clothes shopping before I lose that five pounds. On the one hand, it sucks that only two pairs of jeans and my three work pants still fit. On the other, I don't want to spend $40+ per pair on jeans, only to have them potentially not fit if the weight comes off. If anyone has any thoughts on the matter, I'd love to hear them.

I've officially finished four of my six college applications (one rejected me before I could finish, the other I still have to do the interview). I'm all-but-formally-accepted to one of my top schools, which is really great, and I should be hearing back from the others soon. Then I have to visit the ones I haven't seen, and make a decision. Eep.

Have also decided to let my [livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer fic wait until next year. Between my schedule and [livejournal.com profile] theemdash's, there was no way it was going to be done in time. Apparently, it takes me two years if I want to write something novel-length. *shrugs*

Had a fight with a new recipe yesterday and the day before, and while I've learned a lot, it's still not perfect. I mean, it tastes good, but it doesn't look right yet. But I have some ideas for how to deal with that, so it will take more experimentation when I have time (and more blue food coloring).

I feel like today is going to be a spammy day, so I'll likely see you all again soon. :P
melayneseahawk: (mortal peril)
Completely bored by food options yesterday, so had sickly-sweet flavored water and pop tarts for breakfast. Not exactly that of champions. I need to buy better cereal or baked goods or something.

Had a scare Sunday night: strong chemical smell in the basement. Firefighters came, and I tossed poor JJ in a laundry basket and went to a neighbor's, but turned out it was probably related to the fertilizer the landlord put down that morning. More excitement than I needed, to be sure.

Parents have been pushing for an appointment with my shrink for weeks, so we did that yesterday. Basically, he told them all the stuff that I'd been saying for months. If it sinks in this time, it'll be well worth the effort, though.

Have also handed out five extensions and have one dropout, though I've already found a pinch hit. I'm not going to jinx it. :D

Now to finish up history notes (test again on Friday) and get some writing done.

And speaking of [livejournal.com profile] jd_ficathon, anyone interested in betaing my fic in a few days?
melayneseahawk: (dead)
Bah, what a week.

I've been functional and feeling well-enough everyday--minus the random crying jags prompted by everything from music about politics to diaper advertisements--but I'm not feeling great. The shrink and I agree that this is not where I want to be, but we're hesitant to try anything drastic, since at lease I'm mostly functional now, and it could get a lot worse if we do try something new. So, I wait until winter break, and we try something new then.

I'm finally caught up in classes, though I'm probably going to be behind again after this weekend. The hardest part is American history. The prof tests from the textbook without going over the material in class (unless asked), and since I don't think in highlighted bars I decided to take notes on the textbook. Jesus Christ, though. The book is really well written but very, very dense. I worked on the seventy pages assigned on and off for almost two weeks. It was killer. And now I have another two chapters, roughly the same number of pages, to take notes on for Monday. Eep. I also had a test in the same class today, and while I definitely wrote too much on the essay section, I think I did alright.

Art history is stereotypically vague and completely useless, but the book is good so I'll be fine. The world music class is awesome all over, and the prof likes me because I have experience in music analysis, so smooth sailing there.

Mum's in Florida with the grandparentals, so I'm going to museums with Dad this weekend. He's hitting up a photography exhibit at the Corcoran, and I'm going to the Freer-Sackler to look at Egyptian glasswork for art history. I'm definitely going to be doing a lot of museum crawling this semester, since the art history prof assigned two papers (two pages each, which is a sneeze) and a six-section "journal". No big.

(If I sound like I'm writing things off, I'm really not. It's mostly bravado.)
melayneseahawk: (shoulders of giants)
Finished The Privilege of the Sword while I was on airplanes this past weekend. Really great until the end, when it felt like the author got bored and skipped a lot of stuff. Also, there weren't enough lesbians. :P

Also, I have discovered that my shrink's answering machine doesn't like messages that are more than 2 minutes long.

Also, I hit level 49 on my mage. And finished questing in Stranglethorn Vale, one of the jungle areas. Now to decide between the Hinterlands (evergreen forest, Dwarf reputation) and Tanaris (desert, Goblin reputation) to quest in next. Hmm, I might do both...

See? Nothing of real consequence.
melayneseahawk: (not a good sound)
I've figured out the root of this most recent episode, not that it helps much. My brain has a disturbing habit of self-sabotage that it really, really needs to grow out of. I'm going to get to work tomorrow (yay, orientation) if it kills me, but the way I'm feeling right now? It might.

Add to this the fact that there are some side-effects from the Seroquel that haven't gone away. The meds don't make me sleep more; they just make it harder for me to fight the urge to stay in bed. I've long used sleep as an avoidance tactic, and the Seroquel just makes that easier. But I don't think there's anything else I can try that won't cause harder problems to deal with.

How many negatives were in that sentence? Eew.

[livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer is going nowhere fast, which sucks. I really want to finish this, to be able to say I accomplished something this summer. (Getting the job doesn't count; keeping it is much more important.) I feel like the words are there, but I just can't get them on the page.

I guess I'll go eat something, and then see if I can sit down at write something: some filler for Act II, an outline for Act III, the end of Act III (which is relatively clear in my head), something. I know I'll only feel worse if the only thing I accomplished today was to get up (eventually) and fold a few loads of laundry.
melayneseahawk: (emotions suck)
Word count for Act II is just under 12000; I'm starting Act III tomorrow if it kills me. With the end, probably, because that's the only part I have a clue about, but if it's words on the page, I don't care. I'm still up in the air about the pregnancy thing (I'm thisclose to just cutting it for the sake of my sanity), but I'm dropping the big space battle, because a) it's not necessary and b) I just don't want to write it. So there. :P

I'd hoped to get more writing done today, but my mood's been crap. Dunno why, really want it to stop. Dear brain, I hate you.

I keep forgetting that the pills don't magically fix the depression, they just make it more manageable. So, that means I still get stuck with days when I can barely function. They're just one at a time now, not weeks at a time. It's an improvement, but sometimes it's hard to see it that way.

Damn it, I don't have time for this.
melayneseahawk: (plot tribbles)
Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] muck_a_luck for the lightning-fast beta, as always. Now we wait until the archive opens on the 12th (plus however long it takes them to corral the stragglers and gather pinch hits). I'm kind of excited.

[livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer is going slowly still. I haven't been assigned an artist yet, but we'll see what happens. I'm prolly going to be running around tomorrow, but I should have time on Tuesday to write for a few hours. Part of my problem is that the plot outline for the rest of Act II is basically "action scene. hijinks! major plot event. hijinks! climax" and I have no idea what said hijinks should be. Damn.

And the thing I wound up working on a few days ago instead of my SOS? It's about 2/3 done (it's a set of drabbles I owe people, and two are complete, one is started, and one isn't touched yet), and it's eating my brain. Not fair. *pouts*

In unrelated news, I think the sleepiness side effect of the Seroquel XR seems to be going away; I was able to wake up on time today, but I basically sat and stared at the wall for an hour before I could function. I'm not actually sure it works any better than the regular formulation, but I have been feeling better the last few days...once I wake up.

[livejournal.com profile] triannamaxwell stood me up for hanging out today. I hope everything's alright, hon.
melayneseahawk: (vent)
The Geekling is on WoW, which might mean Fate is telling me I should be writing instead of killing giant spiders and zombies and things. But then again, my brother seems to always be on WoW, so I'm not sure it actually means anything.

My mood's been all off this past week, so we're adjusting my meds. I am not please, clearly.

Saturday, I went to the Hillwood Museum and Gardens with Mum and Da. The house belonged to Marjorie Merriweather Post, whose father started Post Cereals, and who was in charge of the company when it became General Foods, which owned Jell-O and Maxwell House. The house is now a museum used to display her collections of 18th century French and imperial Russian art and artifacts. It's also a monument to what one can accomplish with a lot of money and no taste.

cut for ranting about cultural appropriation )

And then we had high tea--complete with mini scones and champagne--which made it all worth it. :D

Sunday, Mum had her peer review group thing, so I baked her cookies to serve along with the fruit and bagels. Somehow, I managed to end up with twice the number of cookies the recipe should have made. We gave a dozen to one of my brother's friends' parents, and another dozen to C at work, and we've been munching, and yet we still have something like two dozen left. I'm pretty sure we had something like 90 cookies when I finished baking.

I basically sat around on Monday, and then I didn't sleep that night because my brain hates me. I still managed to get some work done and do laundry and stuff, but it sucked.

I went down to the office on Wednesday so we could finish the paperwork and clarify a few tasks I wasn't certain of. I've finished most of the first task I was assigned (uploading new material), but O--the lawyer I'm technically working for--keeps coming up with more tasks for me to do. Heh, I'm not complaining (yay, job security), but it's funny.

And today I hauled down to see the shrink, so of course it rained.
melayneseahawk: (mortal peril)
- lost my job
- had the production of A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant, and a Prayer
- gotten a new job (sort of; it's volunteering rather than paid)
- started a new medication
- had to restore my computer to system defaults, and now have to rebuild from the ground up (though I was able to save my non-program files)
- had another leak occur at my apartment, so we currently have the water off

Why can't my life be boring?

(I would use the "unafraid of the future" icon, but I'm terrified.)
melayneseahawk: (mortal peril)
- lost my job
- had the production of A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant, and a Prayer
- gotten a new job (sort of; it's volunteering rather than paid)
- started a new medication
- had to restore my computer to system defaults, and now have to rebuild from the ground up (though I was able to save my non-program files)
- had another leak occur at my apartment, so we currently have the water off

Why can't my life be boring?

(I would use the "unafraid of the future" icon, but I'm terrified.)
melayneseahawk: (overrated)
It's a bad sign when your therapist says she's not going to go through problem solving techniques and instead have me just focus on getting through the next five days.

I...may have had a bit of a breakdown in her office.

Um...oops?

And oddly enough, it's the anxiety that's pretty much holding me together right now. Oh, human brain, how I hate you sometimes.
melayneseahawk: (overrated)
It's a bad sign when your therapist says she's not going to go through problem solving techniques and instead have me just focus on getting through the next five days.

I...may have had a bit of a breakdown in her office.

Um...oops?

And oddly enough, it's the anxiety that's pretty much holding me together right now. Oh, human brain, how I hate you sometimes.
melayneseahawk: (crazy)
Heated olive oil smells lovely, even if it is only microwaved rather than an indicator that I am cooking risotto something. I'm actually craving my risotto, but I'm afraid took cook it on my shitty stove for fear that I'd either set the thing on fire! or it would come out shitty because the stove heats unevenly. Maybe I'll invite myself over to dinner at the rents' this weekend in exchange for cooking...Quality plan, that.

And why the hell is it that I've been up since 4a, have only gotten maybe 10 hours of sleep in the last three days, and yet I'm not tired now? Fuck you, brain. It's the double-dose of Xanax for you, my friend!

(I need to go to the pharmacy sometime soon; I'm running low on one of my formulations of Xanax.

Yes, I have two.

Yes, it's ridiculous.

I know.

Oh, and no, I'm not taking anywhere near unsafe doses (and I'm resisting the lure of a beer). What kind of fool do you take me for?)
melayneseahawk: (crazy)
Heated olive oil smells lovely, even if it is only microwaved rather than an indicator that I am cooking risotto something. I'm actually craving my risotto, but I'm afraid took cook it on my shitty stove for fear that I'd either set the thing on fire! or it would come out shitty because the stove heats unevenly. Maybe I'll invite myself over to dinner at the rents' this weekend in exchange for cooking...Quality plan, that.

And why the hell is it that I've been up since 4a, have only gotten maybe 10 hours of sleep in the last three days, and yet I'm not tired now? Fuck you, brain. It's the double-dose of Xanax for you, my friend!

(I need to go to the pharmacy sometime soon; I'm running low on one of my formulations of Xanax.

Yes, I have two.

Yes, it's ridiculous.

I know.

Oh, and no, I'm not taking anywhere near unsafe doses (and I'm resisting the lure of a beer). What kind of fool do you take me for?)

bluh

Thursday, 5 March 2009 11:14
melayneseahawk: (poker muse)
You know what's a bad idea? Staying out until 2a (went to Be:Bar to see the drag show and stuck around for an hour waiting for people to dance, and then went to the Diner in Adams Morgan for grilled cheese at 1a) and then trying to get up at 9. And even though we tried the new Xanax configuration (one regular formula and one extended release at bedtime, in the hope that the latter would keep the former from waking me up), if didn't seem to have worked, so I'm still groggy as fuck.

And I have to leave for work in a little over an hour. Joy.

In good news! I've finished my [livejournal.com profile] picfor1000, but it's about 300 words short. I know I can flesh out the doped-on-painkillers!Daniel/indulgent!Jack interaction, I've just been staring at it too long. Help!

bluh

Thursday, 5 March 2009 11:14
melayneseahawk: (poker muse)
You know what's a bad idea? Staying out until 2a (went to Be:Bar to see the drag show and stuck around for an hour waiting for people to dance, and then went to the Diner in Adams Morgan for grilled cheese at 1a) and then trying to get up at 9. And even though we tried the new Xanax configuration (one regular formula and one extended release at bedtime, in the hope that the latter would keep the former from waking me up), if didn't seem to have worked, so I'm still groggy as fuck.

And I have to leave for work in a little over an hour. Joy.

In good news! I've finished my [livejournal.com profile] picfor1000, but it's about 300 words short. I know I can flesh out the doped-on-painkillers!Daniel/indulgent!Jack interaction, I've just been staring at it too long. Help!

TGIF

Friday, 27 February 2009 10:32
melayneseahawk: (futile)
Work again today, and therapy, but I have tomorrow off (though I suspect I'm going to be kidnapped for a movie with Mum). And, even better, I no longer want to remove my uterus, so that's nice. Also filled out snippy survey about the AV for the Monologues (wrong light board, and the guy for the Sunday show was an incompetent idiot), so that's a great way to start the day.

Unfortunately, I'm three for three on waking up in the middle of the night, so I'm blaming the Xanax and I've already called the doc.

- therapy 1p
- work 3:30-9:30ish

- call
-- shrink
-- campus reservations re: rehearsal next week
-- make GYN appointment

-- Aetna re: switching coverage
- e-mail
-- Marvelous Mayhem re: returning corset
-- Campus Reservations survey
-- AV survey
-- dude I'm auditioning on Sunday

- complete line item transfer and ISR to pay for AV waiting for the refund agreement
- dishes
- LJ life update halfway there
- vacuum
- assemble external hard drive
- Otzma reference for A
- writing
-- [livejournal.com profile] picfor1000
-- [livejournal.com profile] imaginarybeasts
-- [livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer
-- drabbles x6ish
-- extra Question(s) for [livejournal.com profile] fandom_grammar
- harass MMRP cast members who haven't given me their schedule yet

TGIF

Friday, 27 February 2009 10:32
melayneseahawk: (futile)
Work again today, and therapy, but I have tomorrow off (though I suspect I'm going to be kidnapped for a movie with Mum). And, even better, I no longer want to remove my uterus, so that's nice. Also filled out snippy survey about the AV for the Monologues (wrong light board, and the guy for the Sunday show was an incompetent idiot), so that's a great way to start the day.

Unfortunately, I'm three for three on waking up in the middle of the night, so I'm blaming the Xanax and I've already called the doc.

- therapy 1p
- work 3:30-9:30ish

- call
-- shrink
-- campus reservations re: rehearsal next week
-- make GYN appointment

-- Aetna re: switching coverage
- e-mail
-- Marvelous Mayhem re: returning corset
-- Campus Reservations survey
-- AV survey
-- dude I'm auditioning on Sunday

- complete line item transfer and ISR to pay for AV waiting for the refund agreement
- dishes
- LJ life update halfway there
- vacuum
- assemble external hard drive
- Otzma reference for A
- writing
-- [livejournal.com profile] picfor1000
-- [livejournal.com profile] imaginarybeasts
-- [livejournal.com profile] stargate_summer
-- drabbles x6ish
-- extra Question(s) for [livejournal.com profile] fandom_grammar
- harass MMRP cast members who haven't given me their schedule yet

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melayneseahawk: (Default)
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